Skip to main content

Why Marriage is Not for Everyone

You are asking, "What do you mean marriage is not for everyone!" Everyone wants to be married. Little girls plan their fantasy wedding at age eight. Men? Maybe not so much.

What is Marriage
Marriage is like a rubberband; it can be stretched just so far before it snaps.

Marriage is an ongoing work-in-progress by both partners to keep it nourished. Marriage is also a fragile commodity, like the Hope Diamond, handle with care and do not drop or it will break.

The key ingredients are patience, trust, understanding, commitment, compromise and, sometimes, sacrifice each of which play a huge role, plus the agree to disagree factor.

Marrying for the Wrong Reasons
The word marriage initially suggests all the fun stuff: wedding planning, honeymoon. Some people marry for· 

  • Financial security
  • Good looks
  • Great sex
  • A mother/father for their children, which applies mostly to divorced/widowed/single parent.

Then there is 'the ring' which is often regarded as status symbol rather than a sincere bond with their spouse; this is more prevalent with women since there is always a quiet competition about ‘getting a man’.

Another obstacle is the fact couples come from different backgrounds; they have little or nothing in common then have issues meeting in the middle. I call this trying to put square pegs in round holes.

Marriage, or any relationship for that matter, should be based on the “What you see is what you get” and not the ‘dream girl or dream guy which is non-existent. Flaws and shortcomings come with the package and one of the partners will attempt to groom or change the other, to her/his standards. It ain’t gonna happen. At best the individual might toe-test the waters of change but refuse to swim in the ocean; hence, just accept it or choose a different path to travel.

Some people have been elusive for most of their lives and have issues settling into this lifestyle. One one partner expects to have a marriage based on their needs, wants and terms; the other partner is too willing to accommodate and ends up having little or no say in anything. This is a huge misconception and ends in turmoil.

Before taking the big step, both partners need to decide what makes them happy and what they really want from life. During the course of dating or leading up to engagement, a weekend getaway or full week away together is a good way to test the waters of relationship. It is a mere sample but gives the couple an idea of what to expect, should they decide to continue.

While living together is still frowned on by the ‘old school’ generation, it is considered the modern-day concept, preceding marriage or the accepted lifestyle in lieu of marriage, depending on the partners’ mindset.

Unfortunately, we also live in a negative and controlling society which feels the need to dictate our lives. Their concept is unless someone is married, there is something seriously wrong with the person. Absolutely not true. Some people are not geared for a permanent commitment and must be respected for their lifestyle.

Marriage is not for everyone but for those who do love from their heart and soul, it can be a beautiful and rewarding experience.